Reflections

As we lifted off and reality hit that I was leaving this land that I'd come to love, I wept. 

I wept because I would see the faces no more. 

The waves...with both hands...

The white-toothed smiles...in black faces...

No more "how are you, mazungu?"

I was leaving. 

When would I be back?

Would I ever be back?

So many asked, "When will you be back? Next year?"

My reply, "oh no, I have no plans of coming back. It is a long way to America!"

Tara, on the other hand, believes she will be back. In my heart, I cannot doubt that. 

We stood back and watched with amazement as she threw herself into enjoying the people.

I watched her take the grubby hands

and let them touch her face and hair and neck. 

I watched her kiss their cheeks and I watched her eyes light up and her lips spread wide,

and I knew. And they knew. She loved them...

And I am sure that a piece of her heart remained as the wheels of our aircraft lifted off pavement...

And I wonder how that makes me feel...

We've always said that we would rather have our children serving the Lord on foreign soil, and even die doing so, than to have them living mediocre Christian lives in America...

To think that is one thing...to say it is another...to experience it would be an altogether different thing. 

But that's our heart. 

But even above our desires and heart, we want only want what He wants. 

That may be Africa or another. 

It may be America. 

And so we lift and open the hands....

And quietly I ask Jesus to not allow any more of our hearts to remain than He wants to remain...

And to show us, each one of us, how HE wants us to integrate back into America. 

How HE wants us to live...

Where HE wants us...

What HE has in mind for us...

And while He teaches us, we will rest in Him, knowing HE can be trusted. 

Believing with all of our hearts in His faithfulness to guide us.