Expectations and Reality

When I think back to the planning stage of our trip, and I try to remember what I expected,
I draw a blank.

That could be for one of two reasons. One, I'm not a dreamer. True.

I'd never dreamed of setting foot on African soil. I'd never dreamed of riding an elephant(no, I still haven't done that!) I had hopes/dreams of third world country, maybe Belize or Haiti or somewhere like that, but never Africa!

But the other reason that I may be drawing a blank is because so much has happened since we were planning our trip. So many images and experiences come between now and then. So, if I were to lay those images aside and move back into my memory, maybe I would actually find some of those expectations. Pause. O yes!

I did have some expectations. In my mind,

I expected mud huts. 

but I never imagined how dark they would be inside...

That you would literally have to take a picture to see the baby you were looking at....

and, it is NOT cold in the mud homes, it is very warm in fact. Don't ask me why they put snow suits on the little ones...

I never expected that when you enter, you would need to wait minutes for your eyes to adjust to the darkness, and then you would notice that the peeping sound is in reality a brood of day old peeps right at your feet!

I expected black faces.

but I never gauged how MANY there would be...

or how unashamedly curious they would be...

I never expected that their eyes would grab my heart...

Or that my heart would lurch so often...I loved this little girl immediately and after I had loved on her for some time, I was told that she lost her mama in the past month. I cried. I wanted to bring her home.She was one of the most emotionally dead faces that I saw the whole time I was there...No wonder!!

I expected a week in the bush...with strangers...

but I didn't know we would have a campfire,

and I didn't know we would make friends,

or that we would have so much fun,

or that we would connect so deeply...and not want to say good bye.

I didn't know we would come to love them dearly....or that they would give us so much!

I expected to see poor health...

I expected poor hygiene...

but I never expected to see this...

This is called "mossy foot" disease and is caused by a combination of chemical reaction of foot to soil  high in volcanic ash, and poor hygiene. The smell was that of rotting flesh and the flies were sitting on her feet. My heart went out to this woman, because in her core, she is no different than me...and she was embarrassed of the smell and appearance of her feet and kept them hidden behind a blanket.

I expected to see filth...

but I didn't expect to find such beauty in their everyday lives...

and I didn't expect to the gorgeousness of the landscape...

I expected that Brent and Cody would go to the Mara..

and that they would come back with great pictures for me to look at...

but I didn't expect to go along...

to see the wild close enough to feel it...

to both laugh hysterically and marvel in amazement at God's creation...

to see the sun rise on the Savannah Desert...

and to watch it sink below the horizon...

 I expected late night talks with our friends...

but I didn't know that all day, every day, 

wherever we were,

for a whole month,

we would be connecting, and laughing, and sharing our hearts, and making memories...

not to mention the countless belly laughs!!

I expected that we would have a great time as a family....

but I couldn't have known the RICH experience it would be...

nor expected the things our hearts would learn...or how they would knit...

I never expected the extent of the great time...

or that we wouldn't be ready to leave....

Now I know that I may have already forgotten some of the less than rosy tinted aspects of our trip,

but without a shadow of a doubt, 

the reality of our trip waaaay exceeded our expectations.

Which leaves us breathless and in awe of our Father God who blessed us with that gift!

And it leaves us laughing and crying, sometimes at the same time, as we remember...

Jet Lag

Jet Lag (noun)

extreme tiredness and other physical effects felt by a person after a long flight across several time zones.

That's us.

As tired as we are, you'd think we'd sleep like babies. Actually we did sleep like babies. Newborns.  That have their days and nights mixed up. Ha. That's exactly it!

Crash. For 1-2 hours awaken, alert as morning...repeat..all night long..

Until 3-4am, when we get up because our bodies truly believe its lunchtime.

And then come supper time, we begin to zone out...

The first day was the worst, we stared at the wall for hours with only a long nap dividing the staring...well, nap and also the longing looks at the clock hoping it was soon bedtime. We went to bed at 7:30, slept like babies, and then the girls woke up for good at 2 and quietly played til the rest of us got up at 4. 

Each day gets a little better, but we're still lagging...

We are very, very thankful that this is Christmas vacation and normal schedule and routine does not resume until January 5...

If you want to come visit, call us first...:)

Reflections

As we lifted off and reality hit that I was leaving this land that I'd come to love, I wept. 

I wept because I would see the faces no more. 

The waves...with both hands...

The white-toothed smiles...in black faces...

No more "how are you, mazungu?"

I was leaving. 

When would I be back?

Would I ever be back?

So many asked, "When will you be back? Next year?"

My reply, "oh no, I have no plans of coming back. It is a long way to America!"

Tara, on the other hand, believes she will be back. In my heart, I cannot doubt that. 

We stood back and watched with amazement as she threw herself into enjoying the people.

I watched her take the grubby hands

and let them touch her face and hair and neck. 

I watched her kiss their cheeks and I watched her eyes light up and her lips spread wide,

and I knew. And they knew. She loved them...

And I am sure that a piece of her heart remained as the wheels of our aircraft lifted off pavement...

And I wonder how that makes me feel...

We've always said that we would rather have our children serving the Lord on foreign soil, and even die doing so, than to have them living mediocre Christian lives in America...

To think that is one thing...to say it is another...to experience it would be an altogether different thing. 

But that's our heart. 

But even above our desires and heart, we want only want what He wants. 

That may be Africa or another. 

It may be America. 

And so we lift and open the hands....

And quietly I ask Jesus to not allow any more of our hearts to remain than He wants to remain...

And to show us, each one of us, how HE wants us to integrate back into America. 

How HE wants us to live...

Where HE wants us...

What HE has in mind for us...

And while He teaches us, we will rest in Him, knowing HE can be trusted. 

Believing with all of our hearts in His faithfulness to guide us.